Hey I’m Kevin F*cking Williamson. I have an idea. Let’s make Michael Myers more like Billy Loomis but set him in the world of Jason! This film was such a real eye-opener to to re-watch (no pun intended considering Michael’s mask in the film) and realize that it is, honestly, overrated as hell (like every single one of the 90s self-aware “slashers” – except for THE FACULTY) – thanks millennials. But it is still fun. an annoying guy gets a great kill, there are a couple of underused but great scream queens in Michelle Williams and Jodi Lyn O’Keefe but overall it just does not measure up to the Halloween legacy or even the legacy of meta serial killer films in the late 90s.
Look, I usually don’t try to go negative on this blog. It is filled with positivity. And I am not going to here. I love Michael Myers. I love the HALLOWEEN franchise. And to be clear – I do not hate this film. In fact, I still had fun watching – even if much of it was unintentional. The film heaps on a lot of sloppy, tired storytelling without any of the usual Myers thrills and chills. So I had to get this off my chest – for the sake of Michael’s legacy. And I admit, some of this is MY fault. I always thought this was a good film – maybe in the top 5 Myers films. I always referred to it to friends as a great comeback for the franchise. But was it? Maybe we were all under some mass hysterical delusion in the late 90s for any slashers that had a cool score, a hot cast, and great cinematography (well this had the first two at least).
On my recent month long deep dive into the Halloween franchise, I couldn’t help but be so damn frustrated by this film. The sad thing is I remember watching it in the late 90s and liking it. But I think we were all brainwashed at the time (much like we might now be with certain other franchises) into thinking that oh so cool and ironic meta-serial killer trope is a great idea. But wow, re-watching this film got me heated.
Now I will never, ever actively dislike any Myers film – but Michael Myers drives a freaking muscle car within the first 10 minutes. And that’s like the fifth worst thing to happen in the opening sequence. To be clear I have no problem with Michael driving a car – or even a muscle car but SET IT THE HELL up like in Halloween 5. Make it a twist like in HALLOWEEN 1978. Just don’t show him cruising around like its Haddonfield Drift.
Myers does more on-screen investigating than slashing. In fact more often than not, when given the chance, he just walks away from people. And if he does kill someone, it happens off freaking screen. Even when Michael kills someone “on screen”, the actual stabs happen off-camera. It is a hallmark of the late 90s meta-slasher that some fans just don’t like to hear – most of those films were all talk.
And the mask is a franchise low. You can see the eyes at most if not all times. They don’t EVER look scary (unlike James Jude Courtney and Nick Castle in the recent David Gordon Green trilogy). The “face-off” between him and Laurie has even become a comical meme because of the mask and the way it sits around his eyes. If you are a Myers lover you can also note that the neck is extra long which just gives off a weird vibe as well.
Maybe it is mostly the cinematography. Daryn Okada is the DP for H20 and he is mostly great at creating the warm hues and colors of films like CAPTAIN RON, AMERICAN REUNION, and MEAN GIRLS. Probably not the greatest fit for a slasher – and he does Laurie Strode no favors either with this weird soft light she is constantly surrounded by. Speaking of, Laurie Strode also seems older in this film than she does 20 years later in the DGG trilogy. Now don’t get me wrong most of that is due to the wardrobe. Jamie looks great as Keri Tate aka Laurie Strode but she is constantly wearing these weird 80s/90s sitcom mom type outfits and they just look yuck.
Also this film continues the HALLOWEEN II TV version retcon of having Laurie be Michael’s sister that sort of grew into an urban legend is run with here – for no real reason. Does it really matter if they are brother and sister? Do we get any more family secrets besides that or motivation for Michael? No. He just still wants to kill her – which as David Gordon Green proved in the most recent trilogy, he could have ANYWAY. Look I don’t hate the brother/sister Michael Myers idea – and I honestly think this bit of lore is a place to go in a future Myers timeline branch. But they do ABSOLUTELY nothing with it other than use it has poor motivation for why Michael wants to kill Laurie – which is still not really clear.
But the film kind of grew on me (almost entirely) as a goof as it continued. Yes in a weird bad movie kind of way, this film is a lot of fun. Like I said I do not hate or even dislike any Halloween film. I love Michael Myers. And Sherlock Myers’ motivations are as unwarranted as his muscle cars. But that makes them damn entertaining – and at times funny. His rationale for action on both a macro and micro level at times is a huge question mark. But it is kind of fun to have this discombobulated Michael in our lives.
He actually breaks into Doctor Loomis’ caretaker’s residence to steal old files that reveal Laurie faked her death. Does Michael want to kill Laurie? Expose her? Ironically (and this is a meta serial killer movie), it appears that anyone even remotely close to Laurie knows that she is actually Laurie Strode and not “Karen Tate” – her new name. Does he only want to kill Jamie? Why not kill random mom in the rest stop but definitely kill two teens on a date who have absolutely nothing to do with the plot? Is he Jason or Freddy now?
His strength vacillates between superhuman and less than human. But it is almost comical – and definitely entertaining (if for all the wrong reasons). Instead of busting through a gate to kill Laurie and her son Strode Jr. (played by Josh Hartnett in a thankless role – he is much better in the aforementioned THE FACULTY), he takes the janitor’s keychain out and starts trying every key – one by freaking one. MICHAEL. MYERS. He does not bust through the gate. He does not try and rip through the bars and grab Strode and Junior. He takes the janitor keychain out and starts trying the keys ONE BY FREAKING ONE. Michael should just BUST through the damn gate. But this director has him jiggling keys like he is Urkle trying to get in through the back door.
Eventually Laurie and Michael end up in an ambulance together (it is a bummer that they did not use the second of Michael’s very cool vintage muscle cars for the chase but the insurance/cost of wrecking the vehicle was probably too much) with Laurie deciding to not just run over Michael but TAKE HIM AND THE VAN – WITH HER IN IT – over a cliff. The final crash is like out of an old Toonses SNL sketch. The fact that Laurie Strode can “walk away”, let alone chop someone’s head off as soon as the crash finishes might be more ridiculous than the way Michael survives this decapitation. It is kind of interesting that DGG had an homage to Michael and Laurie (SPOILER FOR HALLOWEEN ENDS COMING UP) finally holding hands at the moment of his death in HALLOWEEN ENDS that seems to call back to this film. I know DGG loved all the Halloween films so I guess it is not too surprising, I just did not realize that the moment was actually an homage to a film that I no longer like. Anyway…
Now remember when I said that the 90s were the time of the meta serial killer – SCREAM, TEACHING MRS. TINGLE, SCREAM 2, I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER, SCREAM 3, I STILL KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER, and the aforementioned masterpiece THE FACULTY. All of these films are better than H20. H20 is like they a meta serial killer movie starring the usual suspects, with the usual soundtrack (CREED), and with the usual writer (Kevin Williamson) but with NONE of the interesting meta plays on the genre that made ANY of the aforementioned films great. I think it is arguable that HALLOWEEN RESURRECTION might be closer to a 90s meta serial killer film than this one.
Still, LL Cool J as a struggling writer is also kind of endearing. It is telling that at the end, this entire episode has inspired him to write “a romantic thriller”. I guess that is what the closest thing is to whatever this movie’s story tone actually is.
Two more plusses: Jodi Lyn O’Keefe and Michelle Williams make great scream queens. Especially Jodi Lyn O’Keefe. It is a bummer that she is dispatched early in the film. Should have killed Laurie early (a la PSYCHO – since Janet Leight is IN this film FOR NO REASON) and had Jodi or Michelle been the final girls. I know that is crazy and scrilige to say and I LOVE Jamie Lee Curtis but if you are going to make a meta serial killer movie you have to make some left freaking TURNS now and then. But O’Keefe really deserved more love in the 90s and honestly her performance is a reason I will watch this film again – she is maybe in 10 minutes of the film but I honestly wish the film would have revolved around her and her nerdy boyfriend – why are they together? What does she see in him? These are the kind of things that meta serial killer films are normally interested in – the teens. But that is another major structural flaw of this film. It is a film with no meta and little to no teens. In this film we barely get to know ANY of the students because it is too busy trying to deal with Laurie Strode and her gross boyfriend Adam Arkin (who did have a great kill tbh – A+ on that one Michael!).
And… well, at least is was short. HALLOWEEN H20 is the shortest film in the HALLOWEEN franchise. Which is funny considering that the film is supposed to be a meta serial killer film which usually take longer because of all the left turns, subversions, and explanations. But alas even the editors and directors knew at the end of the day that they just needed to wrap this thing up and roll the credits.
Speaking of credits – having to listen to the Ottman/Beltrami interpolation of the HALLOWEEN theme is freaking TORTURE. But I digress…
5.5/10 on The Horror Curve.
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